Ah, my favorite time of year for shit talking, the unveiling of the Kaaboo lineup, the premier festival for a Donald Trump America. I can just see it now, Jeff Sessions raising his can of Miller Highlife, front and Center for Smash Mouth’s encore of All Star, though when Ice Cube's set begins, he might say to himself “who let all these wild ni**ers on stage, where’s Darius Rucker, I can handle that???” A Festival where Red Hot Chili Peppers shamalamdomalamasalabama their way into a headlining set, where Garbage isn’t just a band playing, but a theme for the weekend. I will say this, if last years line up was full blown HIV, this years line-up is more of an early detected prostate cancer of a music festival, there’s some solid acts, Tom Petty, Eric Burdon, Trouble in the Wind, Jackson Browne, Jane’s Addiction and Little Hurricane, but I’d still rather get pulled over alone on a rural Alabama road at 2am than find myself watching Live or Ke$ha perform music that I paid literal money to see. Shaquille O’neal, who made recent news for his flat earth beliefs with some of the most stunningly ignorant quotes I’ve ever heard, is doing a DJ set. I kinda wanna see that, so I could discuss it with thick tones of hipster irony, like wearing a Winger shirt while drinking a Zima Gold and watching a vhs copy of Gremlins 2, because sometimes shitty things are fun. And what the fuck band is "Led Zeppelin 2", cause other than Empire Strikes Back and the second Godfather, I’m weary of sequels, I'm talking to you Dorian Mingus (this joke is for two people and I hope they read this post). Is San Diego that lame (he asks himself at work as he rings up a guy with board shorts and frosted tips for an overpriced Slightly Stoopid lp)? I still believe there could be a festival in this town that leaned on both creative acts pushing boundaries and well established acts that don't make me wanna kill myself (in a bad way, you could book the Cure or some shit), but I also believed that it was impossible to have a Trump presidency and that the earth was round. But who knows, last year I was driving back from a gig in LA and when we passed KaaBOOOOOO, there was a ton of humanity on the fairgrounds. Also, sorry to all the bands I perform with that there's no chance in hell they'll ever invite us to play the festival again. I promise to make it up to you when I start booking my Kablam festival, there will be no Barenaked Ladies unless it's a particularly hot day, Alanis Morissette will not be one of the more "virtuous" acts, the lineup won't shame you into telling folks you're "from Canada, the Ca stands for Canada, aye" and you won't risk running into Ben Carson at a Toad the Wet Spocket set.