What Happens If You Stick Your Finger In An Electric Pencil Sharpener

Do you ever wanna see a Trump Presidency just to know what it would be like? Like in Back to the Future 2 when the future is all fucked up because..... well, now that I've used that as the example, I vaguely recall the plot involved a Trump-type becoming president and running amok. Sometimes I have apocalyptic daydreams, just hit restart like the end of Fight Club and begin again with a clean slate. I'm not saying I'd ever do anything to make that happen, but every once in a while I'll have some bicep riddled customer say "Do you have the new Bush cd?" and I'll wonder, what would happen if I just slapped the shit out of him before he could say the "d" in cd. I have enough common sense to preserve my life, but one can escape into the "what ifs" behind closed eyes. My vision of the Trump years starts with me lurking discretely after curfew, street fires illuminate the night’s ebony and I'm hunting rats for sustenance with a net made of barbed wire. The street corner preacher mutters passages from the New Testament and Wiz Khalifa lyrics, but it's drowned out by the Stone Temple Pilots cover band, there's one on every corner. A tattered flag blows half-mast in a hot polluted wind commemorating the death of Poet Laureate Paris Hilton. Defense Secretary Scott Baio is in charge of our days and our nights, our wrongs and our rights. I run into former speaker of the house Paul Ryan, he's eating a tin foil roasted squirrel under a cardboard roof Jackson Pollocked in guano, still reluctant to admit the Obama years were better. My friends and I contemplate an attempt to sneak over the Mexican wall, ironically built to dam the flood of liberal Americans seeking a better life. Turns out they weren't rapists and murderers, but diligent workers who expedited an extremely durable wall in under 2 years. Besides, my degree in Greatness from Hooters University would likely be worthless down there.